Three obeservations about Amsterdam and the Dutch

Thousands of bikes parked at Amsterdam's Centraal
railway station

1. You think people texting while driving is nuts? How about texting while biking? As I've mentioned previously, Amsterdam is a biking paradise. The streets are packed with bicycles, which have the right of way, and your chances of getting nailed while crossing the street by one of them is far greater than your getting hit by a car. Nevertheless, I've seen numerous people riding with one hand on the handlebars and the other feverishly pecking away at a mobile phone keyboard. Nuts, I know. When I see a guy shaving or a woman putting on makeup while biking, I'll know there is real trouble.
   
   
2. Dutch is a deceptively difficult language for outsiders to speak. The guttural “g's,” which show up all over the place, aren't natural to a native English speaker. After wrestling with street names for awhile, I realized that my Dutch was sounding a lot like Klingon. (On the whole, though, the Dutch people are WAY nicer than Klingons.)
   
   
3. Despite their outward friendliness and openness, I've come to the conclusion that the Dutch people are planning to take over the world by killing the rest of us, one tourist at a time. It doesn't take much observation to notice that, on the whole, the Dutch people are very fit. Either they're hiding all of the fat people somewhere (maybe Luxembourg) until the tourists go home, or obesity is the very rare exception rather than the rule here. But what do they tempt the tourists with? Beer, cheese and Dutch pancakes. Delicious? Yes, but the calories and cheese aren't doing any of us visitors any good. So, when we die off, the Dutch will be free to take over. Pickled herring all around! So don't fall for their diabolical plan. Don't eat Dutch pancakes or drink their beer. That way there will be more for me.